i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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