the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
