Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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