smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
