please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
