A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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