Yo dont text me then not text me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
