therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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