My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
