So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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