i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
