ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
