All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
