fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
