worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You smell like stripper and shame
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
