I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
