I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
