that's an acceptable place to lick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
