did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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