I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
