i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
