Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
