I got chris browned last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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