Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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