Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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