dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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