I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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