He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
