6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
