come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My life is pants optional.
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