her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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