So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
