so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Still dying that you shit outside
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
