drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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