Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
