I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
