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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?

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• (254): View more from Texas

  We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you

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