We just shotgunned beers for America
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch