the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
