Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling