Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
