chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
