The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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