if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
