is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
