I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
