i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
