I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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