Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
