By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
