Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
