Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
