i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
