Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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