i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
