shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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