you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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