You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
