haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
