i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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